From a father to a father - My 4 best pieces of advice for you if your girlfriend is on maternity leave... and tired.
It's damn hard being on maternity leave with a baby who won't sleep. And it's also hard being the girlfriend on the sidelines. The feelings from when it was the hardest are still in my body, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I felt inadequate and powerless.
It was with a mixture of relief and a guilty conscience that I left home every morning to take care of my job.
When Sara went on maternity leave with our second son, we became much better at putting things into words, and I became more knowledgeable about four important things in particular.
Maybe some of them can help you?
Give her a good start to the day.
Sara is a person of order with a capital “O”, and I realized how much it meant for the rest of her day that the home was tidy from the morning. When maternity leave is already a chaos of fatigue, diapers and baby food, for some, having the surroundings in order can make a huge difference.
Just be there.
An evening nap at home could easily take two hours or more, and I wasn't the one who wanted to sleep with the baby. For a long time, Sara handled the naps alone while the frustrations piled up - I couldn't do anything anyway. Until I learned that it meant a lot to Sara's peace that I sat up in the dark with them. And in fact (but not surprisingly) our shared peace rubbed off on the baby.
Answer the phone
You probably know them; those calls from the new and tired mother, who says with tears in her voice “I CAN’T DO ANYTHING!!” For a long time I had no idea what to do. In fact, I finally thought it was a bit unfair when I was at work and still couldn’t be of any help. Until I found out that Sara didn’t need a solution, but simply a need to unload and find understanding. You get a long way with; “ that sounds really hard, and you should know that I think you’re doing a good job ”. Remember that she faces the challenges alone at home for a large part of the day.
Even if you know the answer, offer your help anyway
There are many situations in the first year of a child's life where only the mother is able to do it - some biological and others emotional. The bond between mother and baby is something very special, but in some situations it can create great frustration for both parties when the father cannot take over. Still, it can mean a lot to your partner if you offer your help, even if you have received the answer 1000 times before; "it's no use anyway". Deep down, she appreciates your offer of help - and more than you realize.
